people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
