Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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