youre lurking in front of me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
