They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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