singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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