Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
