Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
