i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
