She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
