I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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