PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
