I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
