i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
