OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
