the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
