Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
