yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
