You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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