dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
