hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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