I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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