just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
