So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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