Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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