You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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