you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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