I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
