No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
