those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
