After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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