We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
