On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
