nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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