I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
