butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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