Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
