ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
