our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just had sex on a roof
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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