you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
