Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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