Kiss
Puke
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
