thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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