I'm so fucking centered right now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would fuck him just for his dog
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