yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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