Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
