I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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