i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
