It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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