Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
