As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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