Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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